What if taking a step back is part of growing?

My son was introduced to the swimming pool. He would play freely, splash and explore! We see a great deal of joy, confidence and curiosity.

Things changed a few months later when we started offering structured swimming lessons.

Loud screams and tears began!

He started to oppose what he had once enjoyed. I remember sitting at the pool, thinking "how are we going to get through these 30 mins?" To be honest, it can be a little embarrassing, helpless and guilty to hold on to a crying (and screaming!) child.

At one point, we started hearing "maybe there is something wrong with him?" "maybe he was afraid of water." To be honest, I could not quite reconcile that with what I was seeing.

Because whenever we brought him to the pool outside of his swimming lessons, we saw a completely different side of him.

He moved around in the water.

He was happy to be there.

He was curious about what he could do.

And I kept thinking:

This doesn't look like a child who is afraid of water.

That was when I started wondering if perhaps the problem was not the water at all.

Maybe it was the structure.

Maybe it was being told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.

And that made me pause and think.

So instead of asking “Why can't he do this?”, I started asking myself

“What does he need from us to get there?”

Taking a step back

We stopped putting so much pressure on ourselves to make up every missed lesson when we couldn't attend the regular class.

We stopped worrying about whether he was keeping up.

We let him settle into the rhythm of swimming.

We continued with a swim coach who trusted his ability and did not rush him.

And slowly, things changed.

The tears became fewer.

The resistance softened.

Swimming became something he looked forward to.

When he had to miss a class, he was the one asking when he could go back. And today, what stays with me is not simply that he learnt to swim.

It's the excitement on his face when he learns something new.

That tiny spark.

That look of "I can!"

and then wanting to give it another go.

What changed was not just him

Looking back, I think something else changed too. It was not just my son. It was me.

It became obvious to me that helping a child grow does not necessarily mean giving them more. Sometimes they just need an alternative entry point and that can look like less pushing, less rushing, less comparing and more observing, adjusting and trusting.